Just A Little Housing Problem
by Araedia
Summary: Half of the houses in Rukongai are broken up, and Soul Society needs a place for the residents of Rukongai. What better place than Kuchiki Manor? Uh-huh... Byakuya might have a little problem. Little, as in, huge...


**OMG, did anyone see the latest Bleach episode? Byakuya **_**smiled!**_** In celebration, yours truly has dragged herself over to her computer, and presents to you...**

0o0o0

"...and it's just a little housing problem we've been having. Most of Rukongai got destroyed in the last fight, and now we've got a lot of children without a roof over their heads, and people rioting about their rights, so...I thought of Kuchiki Manor. You do have a lot of space, and it's just a temporary arrangement for a few days." Byakuya stared impassively at the Captain Commander.

"All right."

The Captain Commander sighed with relief. One problem off his shoulders, at least. "Thank you, Captain Kuchiki."

"It's not a problem."

But then again, Byakuya had no idea what was coming.

0o0o0

The butler bowed down before Byakuya as he left Kuchiki Manor the next morning. "Kuchiki-sama."

Byakuya walked by with a regal nod. Then he turned back. "I believe the children from Rukongai are arriving today. They can be initially kept in the ballroom, while you make the sleeping arrangements. I also want them properly cleaned, I'm sure they've never known a bath. I assume you can take care of that?" "Of course, Kuchiki-sama."

"Good." He walked out.

0o0o0

Byakuya walked home slowly. It had been a long day with lots of paperwork, and he was looking forward to a long bath. As he entered his home though, he realized there was no chance of that happening. Call it intuition or just the extremely murderous glances thrown at him by all his manservants and the weepy bunch of maids on the floor. On his _Persian carpets_. "I assume you have an explanation for this?" he said, danger in his every word.

Before he could say anything else, the calm and collected butler he had left behind this morning collapsed at his feet as a hysterical babbling mass. "Oh, Kuchiki-sama! It's a conspiracy! Those..._children_ are definitely trained by Aizen!" He shuddered. "You can't even call them children. Children are sweet, beautiful roses, and apples, oh, so clean and dove-ish..." Byakuya gave him up for lost.

"Can anyone _properly _explain what happened here?" he asked, looking at the other servants. A brave footman spoke up. "Those children that arrived today, my lord! They're demons!"

"They broke every single piece of china in the ballroom!"

Byakuya's face became grim.

"They've torn down all the curtains!"

"They're throwing knives and threatening to poke our eyes out if we try to clean them!"

Byakuya's face became grimmer.

A very fat maid wobbled over to Byakuya. She seemed to be covered from head to toe with some kind of foul-smelling brown substance. Now that he looked closer, Byakuya could see the others have it on their clothing as well. He shuddered. He didn't even want to think about what it was.

"Oh, Kuchiki-sama, they-they-" Her voice became more and more high-pitched until even Byakuya was wincing. "_-refuse_ to use the commodes! They're peeing all over the floor, and-and _they're playing a game 'Trip the Maid'! _And my dress – It's _ruined!_" She shrieked, and collapsed.

"Oh your lovely ballroom, sir! It's ruined!" His butler, who finally seemed back from la la-land, inserted. "Your china vases, sir! They're ruined!"

The others joined in.

"Your floor, sir! Ruined!"

Byakuya could practically _feel_ a killer headache coming on.

"The windows, sir! Smashed!"

"The pictures! Ruined!"

"The furniture covers! Ruined!"

"The p-"

"SILENCE!" All the servants were shocked into silence. _Kuchiki-sama_, and shouting?

"When I _want_ a list of all the ruined items, I will ask for it." Byakuya said, rubbing his temples. "What else do you wish to say?"

"We want to resign unless these children are removed, sir!"

"We'll all resign!"

"We want-"

"ALL RIGHT!" Silence again. "All right, I'll personally see about the children."

Byakuya walked towards the ballroom. _It's just children. How bad can it be?_ He pushed open the door.

The sight that greeted his eyes was pure Bedlam.

At least fifty children were currently running around in what had once been the room that won the 'Soul Society's best decor' position in the Shinigami Women's Association magazine. Had won. Probably never would again.

The entire floor was strewn with dirty pieces of cloth (no doubt from the expensive curtains). Byakuya didn't even want to think about the urine and the excreta, not to mention some tiny children running around with vomit on their clothes. The paintings (a collection worthy of any art gallery) were splattered with smears of food, and ...other unsavoury substances. The children were taking advantage of the smooth floor to slide around the entire ballroom, leaving furrows in the...ew.

They all looked up as Byakuya entered the room. "You're new!" A boy shouted. "Haven't the others told you not to come here?" Byakuya could feel a huge urge to release Senbonzakura, and slice them all up. "You are residing in my house, therefore I expect you to follow my rules." He paused, seeing 'Huh?' looks on everyone's faces. _These are _children._ What do I know about children? Children... _An image of the 11th Squad Vice-Captain came to his mind. _Candy?_

"You will all receive candy if you clean up all this mess, and behave during your stay here."

Silence.

"BOO!"

"Like that'll stop us!"

Okay, this was the limit. He rested his hand on the hilt of his sword when he heard a loud "BYAKKUN!" He groaned internally. _Think of the devil..._

"Byakkun! Ken-chan told me to tell you – Orange-kun and Ruki-chan have gone to the real world!"

Byakuya whirled around. "Why?" The last thing he wanted to deal with now was his sister coming back from the real word all cut up and confined to bed _again._

"Umm..." Yachiru thought about whatever she remembered from the real world. "To go to church?"

"WHAT?"

This was not happening. Not now. How dare that country bumpkin run away with _his_ sister?

He immediately opened a Senkai gate, right in the middle of his ballroom, and disappeared to the real world.

Yachiru turned towards the other children with a huge smile on her face. "Let's play!"

0o0o0

Several hours later, when Byakuya satisfied himself that no, Rukia and Kurosaki had not run away, no, they weren't getting married, and yes, Kurosaki couldn't even begin to think about heirs for a very, very long time, he returned to Kuchiki Manor. His smile immediately slipped off his face, as he remembered the horde of children currently employed in defiling his precious ballroom.

The moment he entered the room he was greeted by a "BYAKKUN!" from all the children. He started to fume internally.

Then Yachiru came running forward and said, "Byakkun! You're back! We had a lot of fun! I taught them all the 'Kill the Servants' game, but then all your servants have disappeared! And you're just in time, because we need your scarf for our game!" Saying this she jumped onto Byakuya's shoulder, pulled the scarf off, and was down again in the blink of an eye.

Byakuya had had enough. Not only was his home destroyed beyond all repair, but now this impudent child had his _scarf_? His most precious heirloom?

Byakuya's reiatsu began increasing at furious pace. All children were frozen in their positions, unable to stand the pressure. All except Yachiru, of course.

"Oh! They can't play anymore, right, Byakkun?" she asked, looking around. "Okay, let's go eat a cookie, and then we'll ride a pony, and then kill the pony, and then we'll eat ice-cream, and make ice-cream, and freeze everyone, and-" Byakuya shut her up by stuffing a lollipop into her mouth.

He saw his servants peeking in from the door. "I believe you can clean them without any difficulties now?" "Of course, Kuchiki-sama."

_Maybe I should just put in some overtime work now. Paperwork for blowing up building is quite detailed, isn't it?_

"Scatter, Senbonzakura!"

0o0o0

A few hours later, Byakuya sat in his office, surrounded by piles of paperwork, filling up the forms for 'Destruction of Property'. He wasn't planning on going home anytime soon. _I feel years younger. What do you know, blowing up buildings is a great stress-reliever._

He felt great.

0o0o0

"Captain Kuchiki, since you broke down all the buildings kept for the residents of Rukongai, I'm afraid we're going to have to send some more people to Kuchiki Manor."

Not such a great day after all.

0o0o0

**O...kay. I swear I didn't mean to torture Byakuya **_**that**_** much when I said 'celebrate'.**

**Anyway... review, review, review!**


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